My "Gift"

If someone was getting to know me, I would tell them a few of things. The first is that I have a twin sister. The second would be I am a nurse, and the third is that I like to run and stay active. By the third topic in this conversation, the person I am talking to may get a taste of my "gift." It is a gift that has been passed down through the generations of my family, and one that is ever present at many family get-togethers. What I am talking about is the gift of gab. Or we could just say, I can talk.... a lot. Sometimes, it is my downfall, and I spend to much time talking with people (or being the one who talks too much...). Other times, I am very grateful for the ability to start a conversation with just about anyone on the planet. It has helped me greatly over the past year or so as a bedside RN.

As an oncology unit, we see patient's and families in all states and conditions. They come from all backgrounds, dealing with potentially joyous or devastating circumstances. I have come to realize that striking up a conversation about normal topics, like the Tigers, movies, families, or hobbies, can be the exact distraction that the patient or family member may be looking for. And sometimes, these conversations about the basic, normal, things of everyday life can develop into something quite extrodinary. Patients will open up about their fears and goals. They will ask the questions they might not have felt comfortable asking previously in the day. Sometimes, you can get a patient to smile or laugh that hasn't for days. Families will also ask questions and sometimes, they talk more than I even do ;). But in all reality, being a bedside RN has really challenged me in learning how to talk to people, and when to use silence in the relationship. Sometimes, words don't do anything and it is the actions that speak volumes. I have learned that with each new patient, comes a new balance and challenge of these things. Some patients would rather have minimal interactions and conversations. Others are so talkative, you have to tell a co-worker to call you in 5 minutes to get you out of the room.

Nursing is teaching me about the other gifts I have, and how they can intertwine with all other areas of my life. Sometimes, I look at a patient and they directly remind me of someone care about. My grandma. My father. My best friend. In the last year, I've had patient's that have directly reminded me of each of these people and many more. It reminds me of how real these situations are, how scary and uncertain they can be, and how life is precious. During the last week at work, my shifts have overwhelmed me at an emotional level. Our floor has been very heavy, and though I love being a nurse, the week challenged me in a new way. Last Tuesday morning, I left with a heavy heart. That night, I was stretched emotional, mentally, and physically, leaving me seriously questioning why I had ever chosen to go into nursing in the first place. Being a positive person, I normally don't get to this point and I turn myself around by thinking of all the things I am blessed and grateful to be a part of as a nurse. Tuesday, I just couldn't get there. And though I woke up later still in that mood, I was able to get out of it thanks to some wonderful friends. They lifted me up and pulled me out of my mood and negativity. And it was so subtle that I didn't realize it until I was laying on my couch later that night.

Through that quiet act, God showed his presence in my life. He has blessed me with people that I can lean on when I just can't handle things on my own. Truthfully, I cherish the moments I can look back and see how God is working in my life. Even thought the moment itself may have been less than ideal, it is special and allows me to realize how His plan is great, glorious, and more elaborate that we could ever imaging. I am reminded to trust Him fully, knowing He is there whenever is trouble of any kind (big or small). A reminder of the love He has for each of us and that God is always good.

To come full circle, I am back to my talkative self that isn't contemplating her career choice anymore. I know that this is the place God has intended me to be right now. And that is good feeling.

Also, I was dinking around on Hope's website a few days ago and stumbled along this song by the Hope College Worship Team. Needless to say, I couldn't have found it at a better time. So if you have 5 minutes, you should listen to it too. It may just give you that extra boost.


One more thing, completely unrelated. I am 99% sure I saw a cougar this weekend. Yes. A COUGAR. That was interesting. But a story for another day ;)

Have a good week!!