Oh my, life has been quite busy lately. Recently, I seem to be living at work, with tonight being my sixth shift in 7 days. Needless to say I am exhausted and have never been more excited for two days off ever in my life. When I work this much, I feel like I lose touch with people very easily, since most of my shift are at night, and that is when typically people sleep -unless you are Molly, than you might be awake...kidding!! You eventually get to bed;) - But anyway, I am looking forward to the weekend just so I can have a somewhat normal life for a couple days.
Well, as mostly everyone knows, yesterday was Ash Wednesday, aka the first day of Lent. . Every year I struggle to figure out what I want to give up or taken on for the Lenten season. I like to try something new each year, to myself a little more than the norm. Needless to say, most of the challenges I have put towards myself have been related to eating different foods, or spending less money. Giving up chocolate, or ice cream. Only eating out once a week. Not buying anything I don't need. Little luxuries of life that I can learn to live without. For 40 days, a lot of us give something up so we know what it feels like to be without something that is easily cemented into our daily lives. But after that 40 days, we are allowed to have it back. And how excited are you to eat that huge bowl of ice cream? SO EXCITED (yes, trust me, that has been me all to many times). But what if we couldn't get back what we gave up at the beginning of lent? What if for some reason, that thing was removed from our life until further notice, with no return date in sight?
Those were my thoughts last night as I watched a patient's family surround him as he loses his battle with cancer. This young man, though I haven't cared for him on this admission, was one of the patient's easy to remember caring for earlier in the fall. We had great conversations about small towns, sports (he's a MSU fan and was watching a game one night), and how his wife and him are high school sweethearts with three young kids. Tonight, I saw how much this man is loved. He had at least 20 people around and about this evening, caring for him, his wife, and their kids during these last final days. What struck me the deepest was the fierce love his wife was not afraid to show for her husband. During the evening, I was in his room, checking a pump with the nurse caring for him. He had some family members inside and outside of the room, but I didn't see his wife among them. It wasn't until I walked up next to his bed that I saw her. She was lying in his bed, both of them turned on their sides, face to face, tears streaming down her cheeks. In that moment, you could just see the immense love she has for this man. Instantly, my heart ached for her. To have no choice in losing her husband while still so young, I couldn't even imagine. Walking out of the room, I had to hold back tears. The whole situation hit me like a rock in the chest. Normally, I am good at separating myself and allowing my emotions to get to involved, but this took me off guard. As I made myself busy again with what I needed to accomplish for the rest of my shift, these song lyrics popped into my head:
"He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us so"
God started to remind me of his presence. His presence in this situation and in my life. How His love for us is stronger than anything on this earth. Realizing that, though death is final here, it is not with Him in Heaven. That is why God gave us His only Son, who then gave His own life because of the love he has for each and every one of us. A greater and deeper love than we could ever imagine. And in Jesus' rising, He gave us all new life. So that this wife won't have to be without her husband forever, and that someday the people we lose, we will be able to be with again, because of the Glory of God's love and grace.
This brings me back to the season of Lent, and how giving up something for 40 days doesn't seem as difficult. Depriving myself of something for 40 days is the least I can do, considering Jesus sacrificed his life to save all of us. Right? Or I also thing about it this way. I think about how excited and the little bit of joy I get when I can have the thing I gave up on Easter Sunday. Now, multiply that feeling times a billion and that might be half the love and joy God has for each and every one of us. Lent is a way of showing God that we can give up something and look to Him to help us live without it. No matter how big or small, He wants us to come closer to Him during this season and look to Him for help. It is His way of reminding us that though we may suffer, He has something more joyful and wonderful than we could ever imagine in store. How awesome is that?
Well, I'm off - I have to go for my run (training for the riverbank 25k) and then do a little laundry before work tonight. And how much I am despising the winter storm that is on it's way (is it spring yet??). Drive safe out there ok?
Have a wonderful Thursday!
