Grace

Oh my, life has been quite busy lately. Recently, I seem to be living at work, with tonight being my sixth shift in 7 days. Needless to say I am exhausted and have never been more excited for two days off ever in my life. When I work this much, I feel like I lose touch with people very easily, since most of my shift are at night, and that is when typically people sleep -unless you are Molly, than you might be awake...kidding!! You eventually get to bed;) - But anyway, I am looking forward to the weekend just so I can have a somewhat normal life for a couple days.

Well, as mostly everyone knows, yesterday was Ash Wednesday, aka the first day of Lent. . Every year I struggle to figure out what I want to give up or taken on for the Lenten season. I like to try something new each year, to myself a little more than the norm. Needless to say, most of the challenges I have put towards myself have been related to eating different foods, or spending less money. Giving up chocolate, or ice cream. Only eating out once a week. Not buying anything I don't need. Little luxuries of life that I can learn to live without.  For 40 days, a lot of us give something up so we know what it feels like to be without something that is easily cemented into our daily lives. But after that 40 days, we are allowed to have it back. And how excited are you to eat that huge bowl of ice cream? SO EXCITED (yes, trust me, that has been me all to many times). But what if we couldn't get back what we gave up at the beginning of lent? What if for some reason, that thing was removed from our life until further notice, with no return date in sight?

 Those were my thoughts last night as I  watched a patient's family surround him as he loses his battle with cancer. This young man, though I haven't cared for him on this admission, was one of the patient's easy to remember caring for earlier in the fall. We had great conversations about small towns, sports (he's a MSU fan and was watching a game one night), and how his wife and him are high school sweethearts with three young kids. Tonight, I saw how much this man is loved. He had at least 20 people around and about this evening, caring for him, his wife, and their kids during these last final days. What struck me the deepest was the fierce love his wife was not afraid to show for her husband. During the evening, I was in his room, checking a pump with the nurse caring for him. He had some family members inside and outside of the room, but I didn't see his wife among them. It wasn't until I walked up next to his bed that I saw her. She was lying in his bed, both of them turned on their sides, face to face, tears streaming down her cheeks. In that moment, you could just see the immense love she has for this man. Instantly, my heart ached for her. To have no choice in losing her husband while still so young, I couldn't even imagine. Walking out of the room, I had to hold back tears. The whole situation hit me like a rock in the chest. Normally, I am good at separating myself and allowing my emotions to get to involved, but this took me off guard. As I made myself busy again with what I needed to accomplish for the rest of my shift,  these song lyrics popped into my head:

"He loves us,
 Oh how He loves us,
 Oh how He loves us,
 Oh how He loves us so"

God started to remind me of his presence. His presence in this situation and in my life. How His love for us is stronger than anything on this earth. Realizing that, though death is final here, it is not with Him in Heaven. That is why God gave us His only Son, who then gave His own life because of the love he has for each and every one of us. A greater and deeper love than we could ever imagine. And in Jesus' rising, He gave us all new life.  So that this wife won't have to be without her husband forever, and that someday the people we lose, we will be able to be with again, because of the Glory of God's love and grace.

This brings me back to the season of Lent, and how giving up something for 40 days doesn't seem as difficult. Depriving myself of something for 40 days is the least I can do, considering Jesus sacrificed his life to save all of us. Right? Or I also thing about it this way. I think about how excited and the little bit of joy I get when I can have the thing I gave up on Easter Sunday.  Now, multiply that feeling times a billion and that might be half the love and joy God has for each and every one of us. Lent is a way of showing God that we can give up something and look to Him to help us live without it. No matter how big or small, He wants us to come closer to Him during this season and look to Him for help. It is His way of reminding us that though we may suffer, He has something more joyful and wonderful than we could ever imagine in store. How awesome is that?

Well, I'm off - I have to go for my run (training for the riverbank 25k) and then do a little laundry before work tonight. And how much I am despising the winter storm that is on it's way (is it spring yet??). Drive safe out there ok?
Have a wonderful Thursday!  

Certainly Uncertain

Well it's been awhile. Whoops. Sorry about that. I guess I'll make it a goal to try to be a little better keeping up with this. 

Hmm where to begin, since a lot of life has passed. The holidays and everything of that nature when smoothly so I guess I'll just start with how things are going right now. Let's start with my shift Monday night. Well, it was one of the most overwhelming shifts I've had on the unit. It made me feel like an awful nurse at times because all of my patient's were very needy, and I felt like I couldn't spend enough time with each of them. Also, this removed the time I normally take to go to the bathroom or eat. So needless to say it was quite a busy night that kept me running (literally). I didn't get home until almost 9:30am, and finally got to bed around 10:15ish, with the plan of waking up around 3 or 3:30 this afternoon to try to get myself back to a somewhat normal person schedule. When my alarm went off at 3:30pm and I apparently shut it off, instead of hitting snooze, because the next thing I know, Chelsea is upstairs asking me if I am awake. I look down at my phone and it says 5:45pm. OH yea. So much for throwing myself back to a days schedule. And that's probably why I'm writing this at 3am. So much for my Tuesday, it officially was wasted. I did go see Beauty and the Beast in 3D tonight, so I guess I made the most of it.  Of course it was AWESOME. Still my favorite movie of all time. My three-year-old self would be very proud.  I'm also still in love with the library in the movie. To have that many books in a gorgeous library, I'd be in heaven, and would be totally ok with wasting my day in there. 

Also, I'd never thought i'd say this, but I actually miss waking up early in the morning and getting things done for the day. With working at night most of the time, I tend to be going to bed more often than waking up when it's 9am. I miss getting up and running in the morning. It definitely makes me grateful for the time I have on a normal schedule. Even though my "normal" isn't the same as most other people. But as for right now. I'm going to go try to "nap" or sleep or whatever for a little while, to throw myself back. Easier said than done, obviously. I'm always questioning how much coffee I'll need to get through the day - but I think there are worse problems than that. Being uncertain about the next day or week is normal and I feel like it something I have gotten quite used, especially in the last year or so. 

Uncertainly is a normal part of growing up, and now, after college, I find it all more common. Every year in school, you knew there would be a next one. Another year of classes and exams. Another year of sports. Another year of getting summer jobs until you graduate and get a real job. Now, in the "real" world, I find that there is uncertainty with the other aspects of life that never even crossed my mind during undergrad. First, there was the uncertainty of passing boards and getting a job. Now, i find there is uncertainty in grad school decision, and in situations that I could have never foreseen happening a year, or even six months ago. The questioning and contemplating of decisions made is one that we may never get true sign saying "yes, you made the right one."  But even in all of life's challenges, big or small, we have the certainty of God and His love for us. He is always there, holding us closely to Him, never leaving, no matter how many twists and turns the road may have.. He is there to guide us, to love us. We can trust him always (even though that is easier said that done sometimes). I think that over the last few months, I have found that the certainty in God and His plan is one of greatest comforts when life has gotten overwhelming. I know that through my faith, it has pulled me closer to those I love as life continues. And I know that though I may not be sure how everything is going to pan out, God will be with me through it all. 

Well, I hope you all have a wonderful snowy day (since winter finally decided to get here). Drive safe on those lovely Michigan roads and have a big cup of coffee in the MORNING for me - since I'll be sleeping :)

Where is the Snow?

Ok, for a lot of people, this 50 degree weather is wonderful. For me, it is not. Rain is gross when the temperature is below 65 degrees. Snow is expected and I love the snow this time of year. It makes everything sparkle and accentuates the beauty that surrounds us in the world. Also, it helps get me into the Christmas mood. I really am shocked that there has only been one snowy day here in Grand Rapids thus far. I guess spending the last 4 years in Holland, I'm used to excessive amounts of snow once December hits. Even though there may not be a lot predicted between now and then, I'm still hoping for a white Christmas.

The lack of snow thus far has been good traveling, which I seem to be doing a bit of here and there. And, it helps me know exactly how long it will take me to get to work, which is nice since currently I'm a little worn out.  This whole nights and evening is starting to wear on me, since my body isn't quite sure when I should be sleeping, eating, or staying awake. Tonight I work an evening, and then overnight on Friday, which I can't wait to be over because Saturday MOLLY COMES BACK! I'm a little excited since she'll be home for more than a few days this time. But, it already makes me miss the whole Christmas Break thing that have been part of my life since, oh well... I started school about 19 years ago. Talk about a bummer. But it's ok, it is part of growing up right? People still are sick over the holidays, and I really just need to remember how blessed my family is with their health, and how spending the holiday season together in our own homes is blessing that we take for granted.

Anywhoo, since Molly will home for the next couple weeks, one of the first things on our list to do is to have (at least one) night of making christmas treats. These will include, but are not limited to: Spritz cookies, York peppermint brownies (my fav), Christmas "crack" - chocolate and caramel covered saltines, and a few others that I can't think of at the moment. If you're lucky, and you're around the Kzoo/GR area, maybe some of these will come your way. I know that we shouldn't be eating all of them - even though I know I'll want to.

But it's time to get my Thursday going, I have to be to work in an hour an half, so I should probably get a few things done between then and now. Have a wonderful day!

'Tis the Season

Happy Tuesday! 

Mine has been mainly full of sleep, due to the fact I worked the last two nights. I am exhausted. Last night, I had potentially the easiest, most stress free night of work that I will ever have on the unit. The reason was due the fact our unit is currently located on 9 Center (we are normally on 5 North) due to maintenance issues, and our census was down to 12 patients for 4 nurses. It was AWESOME. I actually felt like I could give my patients the time and attention they need, and not feeling stretched to my limit, and I could get other things done not related to direct care. It was a breath of fresh air, definitely needed since most of my shifts have been pretty busy the last couple weeks. 

Right now, I want to finish decorating for Christmas. I feel pretty on top of my Christmas shopping for people, but the decorations are lacking. We have a few things up around the house but I REALLY want to finish up things.  It will be my late night project, since I know I won't be able to fall asleep until at least 4am, and well, it's not like there is much to do at that time of night. Christmas is my favorite holiday. I love the joy associated with this time of year. One of my favorite things to do is lay by the Christmas tree, all lit up, with the fire going and read a book. There is something about this time of year that allows me to see all of the love that God has infused into my life.  I truly feel that God has blessed me with the most supportive and loving family and friends. He reminds me that they will be there, even when I have a tough day or week. And I love celebrating this joyous season with them, never forgetting that ultimately we are celebrating the birth of our Savior. 

But it is time to get productive, since I've slept from 9:30am - 4:30pm. And my new running shoes are here! YAY!  I think that means I should go get them and break them in. Have a great night! :)

Hello There :)

Well, I've been debating starting one of these for a while now, and fingers crossed that I keep up with it. I don't look at myself as a writer (that's Molly) but I figured it would be something fun and a new way to challenge myself. Here, my goal is to examine my everyday life, pull out the worthwhile, unique, amazing, ordinary triumphs and ridiculous moments, and share them. Some days, it still takes me a moment to realize that I am done with college and REAL life has begun to settle in. But hello and welcome to my post-college, figuring-out-the-real-world life as a new graduate nurse. It has already been an exciting ride. And every day is something new, especially working at night. 

Currently, I'm still feeling the exhaustion of working all of thanksgiving weekend. Three nights straight, with an extra long shift Sunday night wore me out. Working on an oncology unit, we see patient's from ages 20 to 95+. This wide age range leaves me coming into work each evening not knowing what to expect. Sunday Night/Monday morning was no exception. I was graced with a Polish woman in her late 70's as one of my patient's. And when I say Polish, I mean REALLY Polish. English was her SECOND language (she rolled her eyes at me no less than twice during the shift). Her and her family were loud and she was extremely stubborn (hmm…I wonder why that sounds familiar… my family?...). Well, this stubborn lady decided to try to get up on her own (which she hasn't done EVER during her 5 days with us) to go to the bathroom. Was she successful? No. Did she fall? Yes. Did she even care that she fell? No. She said she landed softly on her bottom and she was fine (which doesn't really cut it in the hospital, falls are serious business here). Did she scare the crap out of me? Most definitely. Needless to say, this happening at 5:30am, when my shift was done at 7:30 and I had 5 other patient's, it set me back a little, with the patient's attitude towards the situation eating away at my last nerve. Through the longest shift of my life (wish I was kidding - got home at 10am), I just found a few things interesting. 

1. This patient made me laugh, in the midst of everything, because the way she was SO stubborn in her was a flash back to my Grandpa Schab (He was Polish too - Ironic?), who we literally couldn't convince to do anything he didn't want to do and was very blunt with words - as was this woman. 

2. It made me very grateful for the people working on my floor. They helped me so much during that shift and saved me from being even more overwhelmed than I already was. 

3. Once again, it showed that though as well as I might plan out the night, things don't always go that way. Reiterating know fact of how one decision can dramatically change a situation and sometimes, we just have to go with it, do the best we can, and the hope everything will turn out ok.

And #3 is kind of how I've been approaching life lately. Trying to live in each moment I get to spend with the people I love. Leaning on God when things don't seem to go the way I had hoped, and thanking Him for the people that help hold me up when life's challenges are trying to pull me down. A year ago, I pictured my life to be a little different that what it is now, but that is ok. I love this life I've been blessed with. My challenge is to grow in God each day, and remember that I am part of God's plan, a plan more glorious than can be imagined. Giving everything to God and trusting Him. For He knows my heart much better than I do. And blesses me before I realize.

Oh and I try to remember saying too (one of the many things I've found on Pinterest):

"Give thanks for unknown blessings already on their way"

God is always working, always speaking, always loving. He's always working to make things good. A reminder that I tell myself daily. 

And now it's time to go back into real life - time for a run and to get ready for work. At least it's sunny out (even though I was hoping for some snow...). 

Happy Wednesday.  :)