Do you ever feel like you know exactly what your life plan is? What your goal is in the next 2, 3, or 5 years...maybe even the next 10 years? Normally, I feel like I can roughly plan out things a couple years in advance, but recently, I haven't been able to see what life has for me past my next approved schedule for work. This has only been amplified as I have been re-looking into my options for graduate school. I feel like I'm being called in a direction that may not be the easiest or what I had planned on doing a week or month ago. But this direction hit me, kind of like a bus, in the heart. It has everything I want in the program, for exactly what I want to do. But my other option, also has it's positives.
Though I really like working with the oncology population (and my AWESOME co-workers), I LOVE working with children, and ultimately want to work in the healthcare field with children and their families. I love seeing them on their journey through childhood and if I could help them during that journey by helping them to grow into healthier individuals, it would be awesome.
SO I'm asking that you help me with something. Please pray for me that I choose the direction that I am being called in, whichever it may be. It may not be the easiest one, and either one will require some changes. I am trusting God that he will help me figure out which path to go down, because right now, I feel like I am stuck in the crossroads.
Have a good rest of the week - I personally enjoyed the little bit of snow we received yesterday. It made me excited for the holiday season and all that goes along with it. It also gave me a wonderful excuse to cozy up under a blanket, drink some hot cider, and watch a movie.
But until next time - Stay WARM :)
Tuesday, November 13, 2012
Sunday, October 28, 2012
A hole in the road (or sidewalk)
This past week has been quite an exciting one in ways that I am not too fond of. So many that it makes me think that last weekend was FOREVER ago.
First, a good family friend was in the hospital due to his heart just not wanting to cooperate and had to get a pacemaker placed. Everything went wonderfully, but still not an ideal situation. Tuesday, I saw one of my favorite patient's I have ever had the joy and privilege of caring for lose her battle to cancer. My heart is still broken for her and her family. She was such a strong, beautiful woman that lit up a room. And Wednesday threw a little bump in my own life, when I went for a run, stepped in a hole, and ended up doing a number on my "good"ankle. This has now resulted in me being on crutches until this coming Thursday.
Yes, I think less than ideal would describe this week perfectly. I am already itching to go do everything like normal, but realizing that I can't. Even grocery shopping is an issue because it is a little hard to do on your own when crutching around. I like to be independent, and the whole non-weight-bearing-on-my-right-leg is making that a little bit of a problem. So needless to say, I'm going to be going a little stir crazy until next week. And have really sore arms, because I've never had good upper body strength (heck that's why I like running so much).
As frustrated as I am, it makes me think back to high school and remember how I got bad ankles in the first place, playing basketball. Particularly, when I blew out my "bad" ankle out senior year and then re-injured it, but managed to hidden from my coach for two days (and start a game before he pulled me), because I really just didn't want to miss another conference game. Whoops. I still say it was worth it.
Funny enough, I was able to see one of my best friends I played with on that team on Friday. We actually played every single season of basketball and volleyball together, from 7th grade through senior year. When Iwalked crutched into the restaurant and gave her a hug, she said, "I feel like you're always on crutches!" I replied, "Dani, it's been 6 years!"which made me first, feel OLD that it's been that long since high school, and secondly, make me very thankful to still be so close to her after all these years! (Love you!) Needless to say, we had a good laugh about it.
Until next week, I'll TRY to be a better patient than I was then. And I'd really like to get back to work, and back to running asap. And being independent.
I hope you all have had a good weekend! Now it's time for me to go to sleep, and PRAY that the Tigers don't get swept tomorrow..... EKK!
Night!
First, a good family friend was in the hospital due to his heart just not wanting to cooperate and had to get a pacemaker placed. Everything went wonderfully, but still not an ideal situation. Tuesday, I saw one of my favorite patient's I have ever had the joy and privilege of caring for lose her battle to cancer. My heart is still broken for her and her family. She was such a strong, beautiful woman that lit up a room. And Wednesday threw a little bump in my own life, when I went for a run, stepped in a hole, and ended up doing a number on my "good"ankle. This has now resulted in me being on crutches until this coming Thursday.
Yes, I think less than ideal would describe this week perfectly. I am already itching to go do everything like normal, but realizing that I can't. Even grocery shopping is an issue because it is a little hard to do on your own when crutching around. I like to be independent, and the whole non-weight-bearing-on-my-right-leg is making that a little bit of a problem. So needless to say, I'm going to be going a little stir crazy until next week. And have really sore arms, because I've never had good upper body strength (heck that's why I like running so much).
As frustrated as I am, it makes me think back to high school and remember how I got bad ankles in the first place, playing basketball. Particularly, when I blew out my "bad" ankle out senior year and then re-injured it, but managed to hidden from my coach for two days (and start a game before he pulled me), because I really just didn't want to miss another conference game. Whoops. I still say it was worth it.
Funny enough, I was able to see one of my best friends I played with on that team on Friday. We actually played every single season of basketball and volleyball together, from 7th grade through senior year. When I
Until next week, I'll TRY to be a better patient than I was then. And I'd really like to get back to work, and back to running asap. And being independent.
I hope you all have had a good weekend! Now it's time for me to go to sleep, and PRAY that the Tigers don't get swept tomorrow..... EKK!
Night!
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
Family.
Loud. Loving. Crazy. Supportive. Time management challenged. God-loving. Open. Light-hearted. Good at cooking (and drinking). Fun. Competitive. Sport-obsessed. Happy.
The words above help to describe the group of people that I care for most, my family. If I have learned anything about myself in the last year, it's that these people are the ones that hold the deepest place in my heart. The ones that I will drop everything for, in an instant, to be at their side. The people who's jokes and sarcasm I will willingly be the brunt of.. (cough...Molly...cough...). The ones that drive me nuts sometimes, but I miss them dearly. The people I want to share my hopes and dreams, my highs and lows. The people I love unconditionally.
One of the greatest blessings in my life is my family. Immediate and extended. I have some incredible people in my life. My family includes those who are blood-related, and those who I am blessed to have as a part of my life through divine intervention.
We check in on each other just because. Get frustrated because no one can decide what they want to do for dinner, so we don't eat until 9pm. We are late for church more than on time. You can guarantee that if my Dad is cooking a meal, there will be enough left over to feed at least 3 extra people (hey, I like leftovers so it's ok). Our family gatherings, of any sort, are loud. LOUD. But hey, that's us. That is who we are. And that is what makes our family unique. I love them, and they love me. Through the flaws, the moodiness, the failed attempts at communicating, we accept and love one another. Everyday. And that is my family. Not perfect. But there. Solid. Dependable. Always.
Monday, July 30, 2012
My "Gift"
If someone was getting to know me, I would tell them a few of things. The first is that I have a twin sister. The second would be I am a nurse, and the third is that I like to run and stay active. By the third topic in this conversation, the person I am talking to may get a taste of my "gift." It is a gift that has been passed down through the generations of my family, and one that is ever present at many family get-togethers. What I am talking about is the gift of gab. Or we could just say, I can talk.... a lot. Sometimes, it is my downfall, and I spend to much time talking with people (or being the one who talks too much...). Other times, I am very grateful for the ability to start a conversation with just about anyone on the planet. It has helped me greatly over the past year or so as a bedside RN.
As an oncology unit, we see patient's and families in all states and conditions. They come from all backgrounds, dealing with potentially joyous or devastating circumstances. I have come to realize that striking up a conversation about normal topics, like the Tigers, movies, families, or hobbies, can be the exact distraction that the patient or family member may be looking for. And sometimes, these conversations about the basic, normal, things of everyday life can develop into something quite extrodinary. Patients will open up about their fears and goals. They will ask the questions they might not have felt comfortable asking previously in the day. Sometimes, you can get a patient to smile or laugh that hasn't for days. Families will also ask questions and sometimes, they talk more than I even do ;). But in all reality, being a bedside RN has really challenged me in learning how to talk to people, and when to use silence in the relationship. Sometimes, words don't do anything and it is the actions that speak volumes. I have learned that with each new patient, comes a new balance and challenge of these things. Some patients would rather have minimal interactions and conversations. Others are so talkative, you have to tell a co-worker to call you in 5 minutes to get you out of the room.
Nursing is teaching me about the other gifts I have, and how they can intertwine with all other areas of my life. Sometimes, I look at a patient and they directly remind me of someone care about. My grandma. My father. My best friend. In the last year, I've had patient's that have directly reminded me of each of these people and many more. It reminds me of how real these situations are, how scary and uncertain they can be, and how life is precious. During the last week at work, my shifts have overwhelmed me at an emotional level. Our floor has been very heavy, and though I love being a nurse, the week challenged me in a new way. Last Tuesday morning, I left with a heavy heart. That night, I was stretched emotional, mentally, and physically, leaving me seriously questioning why I had ever chosen to go into nursing in the first place. Being a positive person, I normally don't get to this point and I turn myself around by thinking of all the things I am blessed and grateful to be a part of as a nurse. Tuesday, I just couldn't get there. And though I woke up later still in that mood, I was able to get out of it thanks to some wonderful friends. They lifted me up and pulled me out of my mood and negativity. And it was so subtle that I didn't realize it until I was laying on my couch later that night.
Through that quiet act, God showed his presence in my life. He has blessed me with people that I can lean on when I just can't handle things on my own. Truthfully, I cherish the moments I can look back and see how God is working in my life. Even thought the moment itself may have been less than ideal, it is special and allows me to realize how His plan is great, glorious, and more elaborate that we could ever imaging. I am reminded to trust Him fully, knowing He is there whenever is trouble of any kind (big or small). A reminder of the love He has for each of us and that God is always good.
To come full circle, I am back to my talkative self that isn't contemplating her career choice anymore. I know that this is the place God has intended me to be right now. And that is good feeling.
Also, I was dinking around on Hope's website a few days ago and stumbled along this song by the Hope College Worship Team. Needless to say, I couldn't have found it at a better time. So if you have 5 minutes, you should listen to it too. It may just give you that extra boost.
One more thing, completely unrelated. I am 99% sure I saw a cougar this weekend. Yes. A COUGAR. That was interesting. But a story for another day ;)
Have a good week!!
As an oncology unit, we see patient's and families in all states and conditions. They come from all backgrounds, dealing with potentially joyous or devastating circumstances. I have come to realize that striking up a conversation about normal topics, like the Tigers, movies, families, or hobbies, can be the exact distraction that the patient or family member may be looking for. And sometimes, these conversations about the basic, normal, things of everyday life can develop into something quite extrodinary. Patients will open up about their fears and goals. They will ask the questions they might not have felt comfortable asking previously in the day. Sometimes, you can get a patient to smile or laugh that hasn't for days. Families will also ask questions and sometimes, they talk more than I even do ;). But in all reality, being a bedside RN has really challenged me in learning how to talk to people, and when to use silence in the relationship. Sometimes, words don't do anything and it is the actions that speak volumes. I have learned that with each new patient, comes a new balance and challenge of these things. Some patients would rather have minimal interactions and conversations. Others are so talkative, you have to tell a co-worker to call you in 5 minutes to get you out of the room.
Nursing is teaching me about the other gifts I have, and how they can intertwine with all other areas of my life. Sometimes, I look at a patient and they directly remind me of someone care about. My grandma. My father. My best friend. In the last year, I've had patient's that have directly reminded me of each of these people and many more. It reminds me of how real these situations are, how scary and uncertain they can be, and how life is precious. During the last week at work, my shifts have overwhelmed me at an emotional level. Our floor has been very heavy, and though I love being a nurse, the week challenged me in a new way. Last Tuesday morning, I left with a heavy heart. That night, I was stretched emotional, mentally, and physically, leaving me seriously questioning why I had ever chosen to go into nursing in the first place. Being a positive person, I normally don't get to this point and I turn myself around by thinking of all the things I am blessed and grateful to be a part of as a nurse. Tuesday, I just couldn't get there. And though I woke up later still in that mood, I was able to get out of it thanks to some wonderful friends. They lifted me up and pulled me out of my mood and negativity. And it was so subtle that I didn't realize it until I was laying on my couch later that night.
Through that quiet act, God showed his presence in my life. He has blessed me with people that I can lean on when I just can't handle things on my own. Truthfully, I cherish the moments I can look back and see how God is working in my life. Even thought the moment itself may have been less than ideal, it is special and allows me to realize how His plan is great, glorious, and more elaborate that we could ever imaging. I am reminded to trust Him fully, knowing He is there whenever is trouble of any kind (big or small). A reminder of the love He has for each of us and that God is always good.
To come full circle, I am back to my talkative self that isn't contemplating her career choice anymore. I know that this is the place God has intended me to be right now. And that is good feeling.
Also, I was dinking around on Hope's website a few days ago and stumbled along this song by the Hope College Worship Team. Needless to say, I couldn't have found it at a better time. So if you have 5 minutes, you should listen to it too. It may just give you that extra boost.
One more thing, completely unrelated. I am 99% sure I saw a cougar this weekend. Yes. A COUGAR. That was interesting. But a story for another day ;)
Have a good week!!
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
Spring
Every year, I can't decide whether I'm a bigger fan of Fall or Spring. But, when May rolls around, I know why spring is always in the fight for being my favorite season. Michigan has beautiful day's in May, today being no exception. It has days that are perfect to be outdoors, without the overwhelming amount of heat (and humidity) like the later months of summer. And it's the month that kicks off summer, where the months are spent traveling and seeing people that we don't get to see during other times of the year, laying out at Lake Michigan, and playing at cottages with family and friends (when we aren't working of course). Can you tell, I can't wait? Especially since this little girl is now part of our family!
This is Roo, my family's new yellow lab pup. She's a cutie, isn't she? And yes, I'm completely smitten by her. She is now 9 and a half weeks old and showing she has quite the personality. This summer with her should be quite the show. Let's just say that she knows she is cute, and she has a little sass to her. Our 13 year old Jack Russell Terrier, Iggy, tolerates her and basically only "plays" with her in the sense that he allows her to chew on his collar. But she has made a couple of other friends that WILL play with her. One is a cute 6 mo. old black lab named MJ, and the other is a bigger version of herself (see picture below), named Libbi, who happens to be the reason my little sister wanted to get a yellow lab in the first place.
I've gotten to spend a good chunk of time with her, thanks to my little sister, Sami, having knee surgery in Indianapolis to repair her torn ACL. Which leaves me to be the only child in our family who HASN'T torn their ACL, and I'd like to keep it that way. The Shelbourne Clinic, where Sami had her surgery, is awesome. It is where Molly, and a few other friends have gone to have their ACL surgery done, all having great results and a speedy recovery back into their sports. Sami is doing well with the rehab and gets to walk around. If everything goes as planned, she'll be ready to go for all of her fall sports that start off her senior year of high school. And I'm not even going to think about it being her senior year, because it makes me feel like I'm getting old....haha.
Well, I'm off to get my life together before I start a three in a row at work. Sorry if I fall off the face of the earth for a while. Be back Saturday ;). Have a wonderful rest of your week and enjoy these BEAUTIFUL May days!
This is Roo, my family's new yellow lab pup. She's a cutie, isn't she? And yes, I'm completely smitten by her. She is now 9 and a half weeks old and showing she has quite the personality. This summer with her should be quite the show. Let's just say that she knows she is cute, and she has a little sass to her. Our 13 year old Jack Russell Terrier, Iggy, tolerates her and basically only "plays" with her in the sense that he allows her to chew on his collar. But she has made a couple of other friends that WILL play with her. One is a cute 6 mo. old black lab named MJ, and the other is a bigger version of herself (see picture below), named Libbi, who happens to be the reason my little sister wanted to get a yellow lab in the first place.
Well, I'm off to get my life together before I start a three in a row at work. Sorry if I fall off the face of the earth for a while. Be back Saturday ;). Have a wonderful rest of your week and enjoy these BEAUTIFUL May days!
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
Is it really May?
Oh my gosh, I really can't believe it is May. So much that has happened in the last couple months. From these things, March and April flew by and the next thing I know, it's 2am on Wednesday, May 2. I realize that I haven't really said much about what has been going on in my life lately. A lot of thing have happened. Bittersweet and wonderful all the same. I have been shown the power of love and how it really has the ability to do the most amazing things.
The month of May also has another significance to me, the one year mark of being a Hope College Alumni, aka a college grad. On my way to work yesterday afternoon, I realized it feels normal to be in the "real world." Took a while, obviously, but, for me, I think everything had to come full circle to really feel it complete in my book. The moment struck me as I was thinking about my week, and how I am planning on going to the MIAA conference track meet this Friday. This is by far my favorite meet of the year. Two days long, and full of excitement. *Side note: If you've never been to a meet, you're really missing out I know, you might be saying "no, i'm really not," But actually, you are. Take my word for it. And if you want to see a good Hope/Calvin rivalry. Right here. Go Hope!* Anyway, it hit me why I love this meet so much. I got to soak in the end of the school year with my friends, being part of a sport that is near to my heart. And it was SO much fun. Now, almost a year after my last one, I realize it feels normal to be a spectator and not a participant. Yes, its a litte bit of a bummer because Hope is so near and dear to my heart in so many ways, but it shows me that I'm one year out of school, and doing ok on my own. The real world didn't eat me alive. I have a job I like and continue to get better at each day, I still am surrounded by wonderful people that support me, and my faith is strong and continuing to grow. New challenges are always popping up, and balancing them can get a little tricky, but I'm learning. I've learned to give a lot of it to God, because in reality, the things I can't control, fix, help, comfort, etc., are the ones that get at me the most. I am looking forward for what is to come, because in all reality, I don't know what God has planned. But I trust Him, knowing He knows what I need better than I do.
So if you're reading this, and you're in your last week of school, cherish the moments. Ok, yes the studying and exams might not be ideal, but remember, you're not going to be in this place, with the same people ever again. Yes, Hope (or wherever else) will still be there, but the all the people there right now, won't be in this one place at the same time again. In other words, savor every last drop you have left before parting ways into the real world. Trust me, you won't regret it.
Well I think it's time for bed, my sleep schedule and I are NOT best friends right now, so fingers crossed I sleep for more than 3 hours without waking up. Wishful thinking, I know.
Have a great week!
The month of May also has another significance to me, the one year mark of being a Hope College Alumni, aka a college grad. On my way to work yesterday afternoon, I realized it feels normal to be in the "real world." Took a while, obviously, but, for me, I think everything had to come full circle to really feel it complete in my book. The moment struck me as I was thinking about my week, and how I am planning on going to the MIAA conference track meet this Friday. This is by far my favorite meet of the year. Two days long, and full of excitement. *Side note: If you've never been to a meet, you're really missing out I know, you might be saying "no, i'm really not," But actually, you are. Take my word for it. And if you want to see a good Hope/Calvin rivalry. Right here. Go Hope!* Anyway, it hit me why I love this meet so much. I got to soak in the end of the school year with my friends, being part of a sport that is near to my heart. And it was SO much fun. Now, almost a year after my last one, I realize it feels normal to be a spectator and not a participant. Yes, its a litte bit of a bummer because Hope is so near and dear to my heart in so many ways, but it shows me that I'm one year out of school, and doing ok on my own. The real world didn't eat me alive. I have a job I like and continue to get better at each day, I still am surrounded by wonderful people that support me, and my faith is strong and continuing to grow. New challenges are always popping up, and balancing them can get a little tricky, but I'm learning. I've learned to give a lot of it to God, because in reality, the things I can't control, fix, help, comfort, etc., are the ones that get at me the most. I am looking forward for what is to come, because in all reality, I don't know what God has planned. But I trust Him, knowing He knows what I need better than I do.
So if you're reading this, and you're in your last week of school, cherish the moments. Ok, yes the studying and exams might not be ideal, but remember, you're not going to be in this place, with the same people ever again. Yes, Hope (or wherever else) will still be there, but the all the people there right now, won't be in this one place at the same time again. In other words, savor every last drop you have left before parting ways into the real world. Trust me, you won't regret it.
Well I think it's time for bed, my sleep schedule and I are NOT best friends right now, so fingers crossed I sleep for more than 3 hours without waking up. Wishful thinking, I know.
Have a great week!
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Grace
Oh my, life has been quite busy lately. Recently, I seem to be living at work, with tonight being my sixth shift in 7 days. Needless to say I am exhausted and have never been more excited for two days off ever in my life. When I work this much, I feel like I lose touch with people very easily, since most of my shift are at night, and that is when typically people sleep -unless you are Molly, than you might be awake...kidding!! You eventually get to bed;) - But anyway, I am looking forward to the weekend just so I can have a somewhat normal life for a couple days.
Well, as mostly everyone knows, yesterday was Ash Wednesday, aka the first day of Lent. . Every year I struggle to figure out what I want to give up or taken on for the Lenten season. I like to try something new each year, to myself a little more than the norm. Needless to say, most of the challenges I have put towards myself have been related to eating different foods, or spending less money. Giving up chocolate, or ice cream. Only eating out once a week. Not buying anything I don't need. Little luxuries of life that I can learn to live without. For 40 days, a lot of us give something up so we know what it feels like to be without something that is easily cemented into our daily lives. But after that 40 days, we are allowed to have it back. And how excited are you to eat that huge bowl of ice cream? SO EXCITED (yes, trust me, that has been me all to many times). But what if we couldn't get back what we gave up at the beginning of lent? What if for some reason, that thing was removed from our life until further notice, with no return date in sight?
Those were my thoughts last night as I watched a patient's family surround him as he loses his battle with cancer. This young man, though I haven't cared for him on this admission, was one of the patient's easy to remember caring for earlier in the fall. We had great conversations about small towns, sports (he's a MSU fan and was watching a game one night), and how his wife and him are high school sweethearts with three young kids. Tonight, I saw how much this man is loved. He had at least 20 people around and about this evening, caring for him, his wife, and their kids during these last final days. What struck me the deepest was the fierce love his wife was not afraid to show for her husband. During the evening, I was in his room, checking a pump with the nurse caring for him. He had some family members inside and outside of the room, but I didn't see his wife among them. It wasn't until I walked up next to his bed that I saw her. She was lying in his bed, both of them turned on their sides, face to face, tears streaming down her cheeks. In that moment, you could just see the immense love she has for this man. Instantly, my heart ached for her. To have no choice in losing her husband while still so young, I couldn't even imagine. Walking out of the room, I had to hold back tears. The whole situation hit me like a rock in the chest. Normally, I am good at separating myself and allowing my emotions to get to involved, but this took me off guard. As I made myself busy again with what I needed to accomplish for the rest of my shift, these song lyrics popped into my head:
"He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us so"
God started to remind me of his presence. His presence in this situation and in my life. How His love for us is stronger than anything on this earth. Realizing that, though death is final here, it is not with Him in Heaven. That is why God gave us His only Son, who then gave His own life because of the love he has for each and every one of us. A greater and deeper love than we could ever imagine. And in Jesus' rising, He gave us all new life. So that this wife won't have to be without her husband forever, and that someday the people we lose, we will be able to be with again, because of the Glory of God's love and grace.
This brings me back to the season of Lent, and how giving up something for 40 days doesn't seem as difficult. Depriving myself of something for 40 days is the least I can do, considering Jesus sacrificed his life to save all of us. Right? Or I also thing about it this way. I think about how excited and the little bit of joy I get when I can have the thing I gave up on Easter Sunday. Now, multiply that feeling times a billion and that might be half the love and joy God has for each and every one of us. Lent is a way of showing God that we can give up something and look to Him to help us live without it. No matter how big or small, He wants us to come closer to Him during this season and look to Him for help. It is His way of reminding us that though we may suffer, He has something more joyful and wonderful than we could ever imagine in store. How awesome is that?
Well, I'm off - I have to go for my run (training for the riverbank 25k) and then do a little laundry before work tonight. And how much I am despising the winter storm that is on it's way (is it spring yet??). Drive safe out there ok?
Have a wonderful Thursday!
Well, as mostly everyone knows, yesterday was Ash Wednesday, aka the first day of Lent. . Every year I struggle to figure out what I want to give up or taken on for the Lenten season. I like to try something new each year, to myself a little more than the norm. Needless to say, most of the challenges I have put towards myself have been related to eating different foods, or spending less money. Giving up chocolate, or ice cream. Only eating out once a week. Not buying anything I don't need. Little luxuries of life that I can learn to live without. For 40 days, a lot of us give something up so we know what it feels like to be without something that is easily cemented into our daily lives. But after that 40 days, we are allowed to have it back. And how excited are you to eat that huge bowl of ice cream? SO EXCITED (yes, trust me, that has been me all to many times). But what if we couldn't get back what we gave up at the beginning of lent? What if for some reason, that thing was removed from our life until further notice, with no return date in sight?
Those were my thoughts last night as I watched a patient's family surround him as he loses his battle with cancer. This young man, though I haven't cared for him on this admission, was one of the patient's easy to remember caring for earlier in the fall. We had great conversations about small towns, sports (he's a MSU fan and was watching a game one night), and how his wife and him are high school sweethearts with three young kids. Tonight, I saw how much this man is loved. He had at least 20 people around and about this evening, caring for him, his wife, and their kids during these last final days. What struck me the deepest was the fierce love his wife was not afraid to show for her husband. During the evening, I was in his room, checking a pump with the nurse caring for him. He had some family members inside and outside of the room, but I didn't see his wife among them. It wasn't until I walked up next to his bed that I saw her. She was lying in his bed, both of them turned on their sides, face to face, tears streaming down her cheeks. In that moment, you could just see the immense love she has for this man. Instantly, my heart ached for her. To have no choice in losing her husband while still so young, I couldn't even imagine. Walking out of the room, I had to hold back tears. The whole situation hit me like a rock in the chest. Normally, I am good at separating myself and allowing my emotions to get to involved, but this took me off guard. As I made myself busy again with what I needed to accomplish for the rest of my shift, these song lyrics popped into my head:
"He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us so"
God started to remind me of his presence. His presence in this situation and in my life. How His love for us is stronger than anything on this earth. Realizing that, though death is final here, it is not with Him in Heaven. That is why God gave us His only Son, who then gave His own life because of the love he has for each and every one of us. A greater and deeper love than we could ever imagine. And in Jesus' rising, He gave us all new life. So that this wife won't have to be without her husband forever, and that someday the people we lose, we will be able to be with again, because of the Glory of God's love and grace.
This brings me back to the season of Lent, and how giving up something for 40 days doesn't seem as difficult. Depriving myself of something for 40 days is the least I can do, considering Jesus sacrificed his life to save all of us. Right? Or I also thing about it this way. I think about how excited and the little bit of joy I get when I can have the thing I gave up on Easter Sunday. Now, multiply that feeling times a billion and that might be half the love and joy God has for each and every one of us. Lent is a way of showing God that we can give up something and look to Him to help us live without it. No matter how big or small, He wants us to come closer to Him during this season and look to Him for help. It is His way of reminding us that though we may suffer, He has something more joyful and wonderful than we could ever imagine in store. How awesome is that?
Well, I'm off - I have to go for my run (training for the riverbank 25k) and then do a little laundry before work tonight. And how much I am despising the winter storm that is on it's way (is it spring yet??). Drive safe out there ok?
Have a wonderful Thursday!
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Certainly Uncertain
Well it's been awhile. Whoops. Sorry about that. I guess I'll make it a goal to try to be a little better keeping up with this.
Hmm where to begin, since a lot of life has passed. The holidays and everything of that nature when smoothly so I guess I'll just start with how things are going right now. Let's start with my shift Monday night. Well, it was one of the most overwhelming shifts I've had on the unit. It made me feel like an awful nurse at times because all of my patient's were very needy, and I felt like I couldn't spend enough time with each of them. Also, this removed the time I normally take to go to the bathroom or eat. So needless to say it was quite a busy night that kept me running (literally). I didn't get home until almost 9:30am, and finally got to bed around 10:15ish, with the plan of waking up around 3 or 3:30 this afternoon to try to get myself back to a somewhat normal person schedule. When my alarm went off at 3:30pm and I apparently shut it off, instead of hitting snooze, because the next thing I know, Chelsea is upstairs asking me if I am awake. I look down at my phone and it says 5:45pm. OH yea. So much for throwing myself back to a days schedule. And that's probably why I'm writing this at 3am. So much for my Tuesday, it officially was wasted. I did go see Beauty and the Beast in 3D tonight, so I guess I made the most of it. Of course it was AWESOME. Still my favorite movie of all time. My three-year-old self would be very proud. I'm also still in love with the library in the movie. To have that many books in a gorgeous library, I'd be in heaven, and would be totally ok with wasting my day in there.
Also, I'd never thought i'd say this, but I actually miss waking up early in the morning and getting things done for the day. With working at night most of the time, I tend to be going to bed more often than waking up when it's 9am. I miss getting up and running in the morning. It definitely makes me grateful for the time I have on a normal schedule. Even though my "normal" isn't the same as most other people. But as for right now. I'm going to go try to "nap" or sleep or whatever for a little while, to throw myself back. Easier said than done, obviously. I'm always questioning how much coffee I'll need to get through the day - but I think there are worse problems than that. Being uncertain about the next day or week is normal and I feel like it something I have gotten quite used, especially in the last year or so.
Uncertainly is a normal part of growing up, and now, after college, I find it all more common. Every year in school, you knew there would be a next one. Another year of classes and exams. Another year of sports. Another year of getting summer jobs until you graduate and get a real job. Now, in the "real" world, I find that there is uncertainty with the other aspects of life that never even crossed my mind during undergrad. First, there was the uncertainty of passing boards and getting a job. Now, i find there is uncertainty in grad school decision, and in situations that I could have never foreseen happening a year, or even six months ago. The questioning and contemplating of decisions made is one that we may never get true sign saying "yes, you made the right one." But even in all of life's challenges, big or small, we have the certainty of God and His love for us. He is always there, holding us closely to Him, never leaving, no matter how many twists and turns the road may have.. He is there to guide us, to love us. We can trust him always (even though that is easier said that done sometimes). I think that over the last few months, I have found that the certainty in God and His plan is one of greatest comforts when life has gotten overwhelming. I know that through my faith, it has pulled me closer to those I love as life continues. And I know that though I may not be sure how everything is going to pan out, God will be with me through it all.
Well, I hope you all have a wonderful snowy day (since winter finally decided to get here). Drive safe on those lovely Michigan roads and have a big cup of coffee in the MORNING for me - since I'll be sleeping :)
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